Purple People Eaters Avoid A Shutout

Things were looking grim for the Purple People Eaters tonight as they took a soggy field for a mid-week makeup game. Never a dominating team, the PPE make up with enthusiasm what they lack in precision. Not ones to get down about it, their season has been a string of often painful losses, but they’re having fun and that’s what really matters, right?

Will’s having a great time and is playing well, but just hasn’t been able to seal the deal in the scoring department. It can be very painful watching from the sidelines. Balls that are mere inches from the goal, so close they’d roll in with a mild gust of wind, somehow manage to avoid crossing the line. Some days it seems like these boys couldn’t hit water if they were kicking the ball over the side of a boat. Unable to just run out on the field and punch it in the net for them, good parents say, “Great shot!”, while thinking to themselves “How did you miss that?! You were right there!”. It can really hurt.

The competition wasn’t making things any easier tonight. Sporting mean looking black t-shirts and taking orders from their jar-head coach, they scored at will against the out-of-sync PPE, 2-0, 4-0, 7-0, their score climbed, our pain grew.

Having recently heard another player mention their dad had offered to pay him a reward for each goal he scored, I checked with Jenny to see if she had any problem with that, and being that she didn’t I offered Will a cash incentive plan, $5 for the first goal, $10 for a second, $15 for a third, etc… After learning last Saturday that a ‘near-miss’ wasn’t gonna earn him a cent, Will took the field with dollar signs in his eyes tonight.

And finally, it happened. Breaking away at mid-field, he found no other player except the goalie between him and the big bucks. The sideline is on their feet, ready to congratulate another ‘almost’, but this time, instead of sending a roller just outside of the post, he lofts the ball in the air, over the goalies head, and dead center into the net with an authoritative kick that was destined to hit.

I’m five bucks lighter tonight, but I can’t imagine having spent the money for anything better. Will is, of course, just flying. But he’s also calculating. I had to explain that the raising pay scale for each goal started at $5 again each game and wasn’t cumulative for the season. I’m expecting an angry call from his agent.