The Awesome Power of My Head
Naturally, anyone with a head as large as mine either has many undiscovered mental powers, or water on the brain. In my case, it is of course the former (think for a second, which is first former or latter? My trick, latter comes later).
Anyway, I’ve never been much of a baseball fan, or much of a cap wearer either. But in the last few years, especially starting with the McGuire/Sosa home run race in ’98, I’ve been following baseball more closely. And with the bald spot on my head growing like the hole in Earth’s ozone layer, I’ve been adding more caps to my wardrobe.
In our home, we cheer for the Cubs. My wife’s from Illinois, it’s a rule and I’m fine with that. Following them to the heartbreaking finish of their 2003 season was my initiation to the ranks of the suffering Cubs fans. I even bought some ‘official’ Cubs merchandise, a cap and jersey, to outfit myself for fandom. But the jersey is like wearing a wetsuit, rubbery and uncomfortable, and the cap was a size too small and just too stiff. Still, I wore both regularly to do my part for the team.
Last season was also my introduction to the Red Sox, mostly through a great HBO Documentary called ‘The Curse of the Bambino‘ which recounts the many long years of suffering for the Red Sox and their fans since their fateful sale of Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees in 1919. Like the Cubs, the 2003 playoffs looked hopeful for the Sox, until, as usual, they suffered painful defeat at the hands of the Yankees. As a freshly-minted Cubs fan, it was easy to share the pain of the Red Sox and root for them over the hated-winning Yankees.
The 2004 baseball season was the first I have ever followed from opening day. All season long, I could actually tell you generally which teams were doing well and which were not. When I was in Boston in July to work at the Democratic Convention, I bought a Red Sox cap (when in Rome and all that) and cheered their wins over the Yankees in Fenway that weekend. The cap was very comfortable, much more so that my Cubs cap. A nice fit, even for my big head.
After returning from Boston, I went online and bought myself a new Cubs cap, this one to match the brand, size and style of my comfy Red Sox cap. It arrived, fit wonderfully, and took its place as my starting cap. All was good, and the Cubs were winning. Until I left the cap behind at a friends wedding in California on September 25th. Returning home from my friends wedding without my Cubs cap to wear, I began wearing my Red Sox cap again.
And just look what happened.
For the two weeks that I had that Cubs cap, the Cubs were 10-2. From the day I lost the cap through the end of the season, they were 2-7. Sorry Cubs fans, it’s my fault they didn’t reach the playoffs this year.
And the Red Sox? Down 3-0 in their playoff series against the Yankees, they won four straight to put themselves in the World Series, and then swept the Cardinals, the team with the best record in baseball this season, to win the World Series. With their cap on my head, they reversed the curse and ended their 86-year long championship drought.
This is wierd science folks, but there’s just no disputing the awesome power of my head. If I’m wearing a teams cap, that team WILL win! Can I learn to control this power? To harness it? Am I more like the mutant X-man Professor Xavier, or the horror queen Carrie?
I must use this power for good (or for money)! So, with baseball season over, I have a new cap to wear for now. And next season, if you would like, you can buy me a hat, and send money (power like this doesn’t go cheap), and maybe YOUR team will win next year! (preferred stye: The Franchise by Twins Enterprise, XXL)